March 12, 2012.

Dear Lord

Why do I feel so blue?

Love,
Me.

March 12, 2012.

10 years later.

I have been having a lot of questions about my life lately and I was starting to lose faith in how things have been going in my life.  I could feel myself starting to veer away from God - one of my biggest fears.  For some reason, I have been thinking a lot about starting a blog in hopes of having people relate to me.  I realized that after following a lot of influencers and all of them just seemed so happy.  So carefree.  Full of joys.  Full of life.  None of that was helping me, none of those were giving me answers.  None that I could even relate.

Tonight, I started to start a blog.  I tried with Wix.com.  It wasn't exactly what I needed.  So I googled blogs and it brought me to this website.  It prompted for a gmail account.  I entered my email.  It brought me into my old account - my old blog that I forgot I had started 10 years ago. 

"Why do I feel so blue?"

It was written published on March 12, 2012 at 11:07pm.  Today's date is March 1st of 2022 and the time currently right now as I'm typing is 10:15pm.  What a strange coincidence.  It's almost like God had sent me to this to remind me that He is still here.  He is still hearing me.  He is still guiding me.  He is still mending my heart, my fears, my self-worth.

Yesterday I had a breakdown.  I cried in the bathroom and I fell asleep on the toilet.  I felt defeated.  I felt lost.  I wanted to end my life there, but I am pushing through.  Now here I am, re-starting this blog after 10 years because I feel like I am destined to do this.

My vulnerability begins now and it took me SO MUCH strength to post this.

Love,

Me.